Summertime, and the livin' is easy.

I had Ella Fitzgerald's version of the song in my head whilst I drove to Wales in the middle of July, though I feel like it's almost ridiculing me. I am heading off to spend the next five weeks working on my WTRKF project. I’ve been trying to use the phrase like a mantra but it hasn’t got me fooled. Here I am driving to a place I love, to do the thing that I love more than anything and instead of feeling full of the joy of possibilities, I am feeling anxious about some of the upcoming new experiences that the summer holds. 

I guess like many people, I find new things hard. I often have to make myself do things. I feel my rebel nature rear up when I hear the phrases “Do something that scares you every day” and “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Oh how I hate them. But I also reluctantly admit that they may have a point. Because if I hadn't forced myself to do things that scared me, I never would have moved to the UK from Canada at the age of 20, I wouldn't have gone to college to study photography or moved to London to work as a photographer's assistant after that. And I never would have made that first journey to Lammas to photograph the community in 2010.  

I think I both hide behind my photography and also use it to force myself to do things that scare me. I can be more comfortable at a social event when I have a camera in hand. I also go places and meet new people through photography that I perhaps wouldn’t do otherwise. 

There is also a time and a place to not be a photographer. 

I heard about Dance Camp from my friend and former tutor David. His granddaughter goes every year and knew some of the teenagers that I’m working with on my WTRKF project who grew up at Lammas. He suggested that I might want to think about going to include photos for my project. 

I do not dance. I didn’t have great camp experiences growing up (though I do love camping and sleeping in tents). 

I emailed the organisers to see if it would be okay to take photos of the teenagers included in my project at the camp. I didn’t get a definite answer. I decided to book a ticket regardless and speak to them whilst I was there.

Two months of anxiety ensued. It wasn’t like this was a weekend experience. This was 11 nights of camping with people I didn’t know and I didn’t even know if I’d be able to take photos.  I justified the cost and the amount of time it would take out from cabin life/project time at the eco village by saying that if I just took one fabulous photo it would be worth it. That’s a lot of pressure to put on myself. 

I was convinced I would most likely have a very difficult time. I was intimidated by the fact that you camp in circles of roughly 10-20 people, cooking together and your circle being a base of sorts. I took ‘Swallowdale’ to read, the second book in the Swallows and Amazons series by Arthur Ransome as there is nothing more soothing, comforting than kids' books when you are feeling vulnerable. I thought I would spend most of my time on my own, reading and eating in the cafe. And that taking photos was the most important thing. 

I was wrong. I usually am about these things. 

I absolutely loved Dance Camp. 

It’s hard to say what I loved most about it. There is a general feeling of warmth, friendliness and support. The cakes in the cafe were delicious. They also served the best chips I have ever had. The event nights were great fun and I loved getting dressed up. It is a place where you can indulge the most childlike side of your nature and enjoy getting your face painted, popping on a purple wig and wearing whatever the hell you want. 

The creative tent is where I found myself spending much of my time. I spent three 2-hour sessions making a willow basket. I did badge making. I made a pewter necklace pendant. Then lost it and attended another session to re-make it. 

You quickly get into a rhythm with your camping circle. Magically it would seem, without discussion, the water bottles got filled and the washing done, the wood chopped. Looking out of my tent in the morning filled me with joy,  seeing the gentle rising of people in the circle, the fire already re-lit. I would gather my coffee-making supplies to start the process of caffeinating my circle mates. Later in the day, after we ate supper together around the fire, I looked forward to the evening ritual of going to the cafe to see if the after-supper chai was ready yet.

Whilst I did end up taking photos at camp, I let go of the idea that I was there for the photography. I was absolutely there for the experience and I was cherishing those moments of connection by the fire, those conversations where you get those insights about yourself, those ones you seem to be re-learning about yourself continuously throughout life.  

I stopped myself taking photos in a manic way, a way where I tried to capture all the moments as they happened. I took a few digital photos on fire night but mostly I stuck to taking quiet photos with my Mamiya 7 away from the events taking place. This way I was only focusing on the few young people who were there that are part of my project and not taking away from or intruding on the events taking place. There is a reason that photography isn’t overly encouraged there and that they urge you to put your phones away. It was such a relief to look upon a beautiful scene and not see a sea of phones trying to capture everything. Instead it was a gathering of people appreciating the moment, taking it in. 

I remembered that if you get too stuck on trying to capture things through your camera it can take pleasure away from actually experiencing and feeling things. An example that always comes back to me was from the first time I went to the rainforest at East Sooke on Vancouver Island with my family. I was so frustrated by not being able to photograph the beautiful old growth trees with their trunks wider than any tree I had ever seen, that all I could feel was disappointment, instead of just simply appreciating their beauty and being awestruck with the age and size of them. 

I am so very glad I went to Dance Camp. I'll go again next year. I might dance, I might not. I might take photos or not. But it will be another reminder to slow down and that the scary things often turn out to make the most memorable experiences.

Oh, and I got my film scans back. There are several great portraits from Dance Camp, I've included a couple of them below. And there is definitely one that I would deem fabulous. But I'll hold that one back for a bit longer, though you may see it soon as it was on the first roll of sponsored film that I shot. 

August's 'Sponsor a roll of film' has been a great success (click link here). I've now reached capacity for August but I've decided to keep it going for the upcoming months! If you're interested pop me an email and I'll let you know when your roll will be shot and when you can expect to get your print.